Twin Cities: A Trial That Fell Flat

Oh Minneapolis… I don’t even know where to start with you.

For some context, we had originally decided to go to Minneapolis because my job has an office there, and we thought we might move there to try something new. Some family things changed that idea, but we still wanted to check it out.

Spoiler! We did not enjoy our time in the Twin Cities. There were some good things, so I am just going to get all the bad out of the way to start, and then we can finish on a happier note.

Also, to be clear, we disliked it so much that we actually cut our entire trip short so we could leave as soon as possible. We knew we had to stay two weeks because my parents were coming to visit, but within 2-3 days, we had cancelled the rest of our stay at the hotel and planned to drop my parents off at the airport and hit the road immediately after.

To start, everything was weird, even more so than a foreign country! We commented multiple times, “Is it us? Are we the problem?” and given this was asked across multiple days and situations, I really don’t think it was just us.

For example, there were no recognizable grocery stores. We have lived in the Midwest before, so we knew there would be some differences, but nothing was familiar. The one that we did try on the first day was Lunds and Byerlys, where we learned at checkout that their baskets are not allowed outside, and they “deliver” your groceries on a conveyor belt outside to get. Sort of cool but also weird.

Then there was a major lack of food options. Now, maybe that was just where we were staying, but we could not find any restaurant that sounded amazing. We tried multiple local places, and they were decent American pub food, but nothing special. It got to the point that we chose what few chain restaurants there were just so we knew it was something we would like.

Along with food, everything was surprisingly expensive. Way more than even downtown Chicago. Starbucks for Nathan was a good $1+ his normal cost, and at every local restaurant, the entrees were closer to $20 a plate.

Add to that, they all wanted cash and would charge you extra if you used a card, and we even had a few places not accept Amex at all! We have seen that in small mom-and-pop shops, but never in a major city or regular restaurants.

Next, their roads were terrible… and we lived in Utah! Not only was there construction everywhere, which you expect in the summer, but this felt even more extreme, and the road design was terrible.

We went downtown over the weekend and missed our exit. No big deal, we will just get off on the next one and have maps re-route us. Nope! We took that next exit and ended up at the entrance of a parking garage. As in literally nowhere else to go except through the garage with the attendant’s help to let us in and out. Later on, we double checked, and there was one small sign two miles back that mentioned parking, but nowhere else explained that that exit wasn’t really an exit, but a parking garage instead.

Biking was difficult. Now I will say that was partially due to where we were in the suburbs, but you would have to drive anywhere to bike, which just feels silly. Plus, with humidity, temperatures, and frequent thunderstorms, we only managed to go once in the two weeks we were there.

With nothing else to do, we decided to go see a movie. That should be safe, right? Nope. One theatre didn’t accept Amex, and the one we ended up going to didn’t put anything on their popcorn. No salt. No butter powder. Nothing. We ended up asking for the butter oil, which we normally hate, but we needed some sort of flavor.

It was the definition of a death by a thousand cuts. Was any of that the end of the world? Absolutely not. But we just lost motivation to try and do anything because it ended up backfiring every time.

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Ok! Onto better things, we were able to go see some sights and explore the city while we were there.

The first weekend, we went to their Farmers’ Market downtown. Unfortunately, it was another downpour, but we went for it, and the market itself was pretty good. We ended up getting some sourdough bagels and bread, which were fantastic!

We also found an Irish Festival in St Paul and decided to check it out. The rain made it a little difficult because we couldn’t just sit and hang out anywhere, which cut things short earlier than I would have preferred. However, we still made the best of it with food, beer, and looking at all the “shops”.

We tried a meat pie, apple pie, pretzel, rye sandwich, and a cookie sandwich that was stuffed with cookie dough (which sounded great but was terrible!).

The next weekend, my parents got into town! That honestly helped us get through our last few days since we did a lot of the bigger touristy stuff.

Friday, we spent the day at the Mall of America. Which was cool, but was still just a giant mall.

After that, we went downtown to see St Anthony Falls and did a walk across the Stone Bridge. Sadly, we missed the boarding time for the cruise on the Mississippi River, but it was still interesting to see from the bridge.

Saturday was Renaissance Festival time!!

Rain was in the forecast, so we knew to prepare for a wet and muddy day. I didn’t even do my hair because I knew it would just get ruined, so I had planned to stop by the hair braider stations as soon as we got there.

Also, this was their opening weekend, and Penn and Teller were doing a one-day special for their 50th anniversary, and apparently, they got their start at the MN Renfest.

So all that in mind, we wanted to get an early head start for good parking and see how bad the rain/mud would be. As we walked outside the hotel, we realized we might have a problem. It was truly a torrential downpour. I have apparently never been in a severe thunderstorm, because this was the worst rain I have ever seen.

We started driving, and I almost immediately said, Nope! We are stopping or going back to the hotel because there is no way we are driving for an hour in this. I couldn’t see the road; it was coming down so fast and heavy, the windshield wipers couldn’t keep up. Thankfully, we weren’t slipping or anything, but with zero visibility, it was a hard pass for me.

Thankfully, by the time we got our Dunkin and Starbucks orders, the rain had let up and the sun had come up, so it was much easier to see. So, we hit the road and had a smooth drive to the festival.

That morning storm definitely made for a very muddy start, but I absolutely LOVED that they leaned into it! We asked staff later on if this was normal weather or not, and she told us their nickname for this festival is Mudfest because this is very normal.

We started to explore, and it was really a great setup. For some reason shows felt hard to find or stumble upon, but the buildings and layout were pretty good.

Food was absolutely better than Phoenix, not that Phx is bad, but the variety here was way better. We happily got the apple nachos (with caramel and Snickers), fresh-cut fries, and of course, Turkey Legs.

While we didn’t really see any shows, this festival had a few not-so-secret passageways that were a lot of fun!

Once the rain stopped and the sun started to come out, it got really humid and hot. Since we had seen everything we wanted and started extra early, we decided to call it and head back to the hotel, but not before one last photo op now that the line had cleared up front.

For those wondering, we did not go to the Penn and Teller shows. While getting food, we saw how crazy long the line was, and later on socials found out how much of a nightmare it was to try and get a seat. While cool to see them, it wouldn’t have been worth that!

After the Renfest, we had a chill evening knowing that we had to get up at 3 am to go to the airport and hit the road.

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Although Minnesota is not a place we would hurry back to, ending on a good note helped make the trip feel a little better.

Thanks for reading!